Building Healthy Friendships and Love Relationships

Dealing with relationship issues is the most common difficulty students come to the Counseling Center to get help with.  The following are suggestions that seniors have given to freshmen in order to help them mature in their relationship skills.

1.      As you look at your relationship issues, always gently and kindly look at yourself first.  Ask yourself what personal issues are triggered in this situation.  Seek self-understanding and change rather than blame for self or others.

2.      Step out of your comfort area and enjoy friends that are different from you.

3.      Choose friends that are positive.  Avoid friends who consistently drain your energy.

4.      Set boundaries with your personal time.  Make time for the study and alone time.  You can’t be successful with friends or academics if you are drained.

5.      Respect others' ability to handle and grow from their problems.   You can listen and support without taking on others' problems personally.

6.      Accept and appreciate different viewpoints.  Avoid the “uncool” trap of having to be RIGHT.  “Having to be right” often ends in “loneliness” and makes it necessary for someone else to be “wrong.”

7.      Learn to balance your own needs, taking care of the needs of others, and utilizing your personal support system.

a.       Learn to manage your needs independently much of the time.

b.      Avoid manipulating to get your way or being manipulated by others.

c.       Seek help and support from several sources; becoming dependent   emotionally on only one person may put you in the “high maintenance” category.

d.      Avoid being controlling or controlled.  Accepting differences is so much more   effective.

8.      People process differently and there is no right way.

a.       Introvert vs. Extravert

b.   Emotional vs. Cognitive

Friends don't give friends medical advice. They refer to medical professionals.	"Working Out" in the Student Life Center is fun and increases concentration.
Students having panic attacks, social anxiety, uncontrollable thoughts or excessive anxiety can find help in the Counseling or Health Center.	Regular sleep is essential to concentration and healthy thinking.  Go to the Health Center if you are having sleep difficulties.
Find friends by participating in clubs and student activities.  Go to the Leadership Center.	Learning how and when to say "no" creates personal success.
Get a grip on procrastination.  Seek help in the Academic Success Program.	Schedule time and find a space to be alone and reflect.
Don't take responsibility for a friend's life.  Seek help if you have a friend who is suicidal or in danger of alcohol poisoning.	Honest communication is important.

Constantly Bummed Out

     Clinical depression can affect your body, mood, thoughts and behavior.  It can change your eating habits, how you feel and think about things, your ability to work and study, and how you interact with people.  In 2005, 14% of our student body indicated they suffered with clinical depression.

     Clinical depression is not a passing mood, a sign of peronal weakness or a condition that can be willed away.  Clinically depressed people cannot "pull themselves together" and get better.

     Depression can be successfully treated by a mental health professional or certain health care providers.  With the right treatment, 80 percent of those who seek help get better; and many people begin to feel better in just a few weeks.
Symptoms of Major Depression
·     Sadness, anxiety or "empty" feelings
·     Decreased energy, fatigue, being "slowed down"
·     Loss of interest or pleasure in usual activities
·     Sleep disturbances (insomnia, oversleeping, or waking much earlier than usual)
·     Appetite and weight changes (either loss or gain)
·     Feelings of hopelessness, guilt and worthlessness
·         Thoughts of death or suicide or suicide attempts

·     Difficulty concentrating, making decisions or remembering
·     Irritability or excessive crying
·         Chronic aches and pains not explained by another physical condition

HELPFUL LINKS

www.campusblues.com

On-Line Screeening - ULifeline, click on Self-eValuator

Tips for Maintaining a Loving Long-Distance Relationship

 Set up your long-distance relationship to allow freedom, multiple friendships and personal growth.

1. Listen and evaluate a friend’s advice to see if it is consistent with your heart.
2. Be clear, honest and faithful to commitments.
3. Seek help if you or your partner has unreasonable jealousy issues.
4. Stay on campus most weekends and find ways to enjoy yourself.  In order to develop friends and bond with the college experience, you need to be an active participant.
5. It is normal that you and your partner will be going through different experiences.  Talk with each other about the excitement of what you are learning.
6. Set up a reasonable communication schedule.  Late night phone chat usually causes sleep problems for roommates.
7. Avoid “trauma-drama” late night phone confrontations.
8. Be informed about expense of telephone communication; be reasonable and share in cost.  Use “e-mail.”
9. Don’t be dependent on your significant other sole support.  Develop close friendships outside of your relationship.
10. Allow and accept that you and your partner will have different needs.  Know that it is your responsibility to take care of your needs and to respect your partner’s ability to manage personal needs.
11. Be cautious about staying home waiting on “phone calls.”  Useless waiting and wondering contributes to loneliness and bad feelings.